I’m not sure what to do with myself. I’m eerily calm and that’s just not how the holidays have ever gone down in my world. I mean I pretty much spent all the money, but that’s not anything new or different and I’m not worried about it. I’ll make more. I’ll buckle down and focus on the right things and I’ll make more money.
My shopping is done. Okay, I have one present to buy, but I know where it is and I know what it costs and I’ll get it this week. I have some wrapping to do but I’m not worried about how that’s going to happen because I have time, and tape, and scissors and paper. I even found a bag of bows. This is seriousy weird.
I didn’t get many pie orders for Christmas, and I’m a little disappointed about that but I have a few theories on why, and it’s not the end of the world…I’m going to make a few posts and see what I can drum up over the next two days, but if it doesn’t happen, that’s okay too. I just have this really strange sense that everything is unfolding the way it is supposed to and all I have to do is just show up and pay attention.
People have been telling me this for a long time, but I had so many ideas and plans and needs that “showing up and paying attention” was entirely too simple for me to grasp. I think that may be the key–I’m not needy this year. I don’t need to give or receive the perfect gift. I don’t need to create the perfect moment or memory. I don’t need to prove anything or fix anything, I’m not even feeling guilty. I have enough and this year in particular I’m 100% in tune with the fact that enough will show up if I do what I can.
This year I saw exactly how God shows up through other people. Here are a few examples:
My benefactor: I made a friend through one of my Younique parties. On Facebook we learned we have other things in common and we’ve enjoyed getting to know each other through status updates and blog posts. Sometime last spring she messaged me and explained that she’s losing weight and asked if I’d like some of her clothes. Well, heck yeah! I don’t know what I was expecting, but y’all it was not what showed up! Every season she’s brought me bags of lovely things to wear all in my size. When you’re my size, shopping can be a queen sized pain. Aside from the fact that there aren’t a lot of places to shop, I’ve really got to be in a patient and loving place with myself or that dressing room mirror becomes a vehicle for self-bullying and honestly, I usually skip it, either by purchasing nothing or by just grabbing something off the rack and paying for it without trying it on. It has been such a blessing to have a closet full of beautiful things to wear that I feel pretty and “put together” in. I just can’t say thank you enough.
My job: I really want to be a pie-maker full-time but at the moment, that dream is ahead, but not close at hand…yet. So I needed a gig where I can do my traveling thing, and make pies, and make some money to pay for groceries and the cell phone bill. I mean how hard can it be to find a part-time, when it’s convenient, super-flex, pays enough job? I wasn’t sure what section that would be in on Indeed so I went to an event with Big Daddy’s boss and his wife and voila! part-time marketing gal at your service! I didn’t have to write a resume or pee in a cup (although that’s the one test I can ace without even trying!) and I get to wear my pretty new clothes to the Wednesday morning McKinney Chamber of Commerce meetings (which is surprisingly fun). I’ve made some friends, I’m learning how to network, and I’m pretty sure the office manager has a thing for me.
My duckies: This year I started a small group with some like-minded ladies who are on a spiritual path. We started meeting on Monday nights and together we’ve laughed, cried, shared, and grown in ways that have blown my mind. I am not exaggerating when I say that everyone who has showed up with a little bit of willingness has changed in very tangible and profound ways and I am absolutely in awe of the grace I’ve seen emerging in each and every one of these ladies.
I didn’t make any of these things happen. I didn’t even ask for these blessings–I just showed up for life with an open mind and an open heart and what I needed appeared. I suspect this has been happening my whole life. Steven Kelley, just out of the blue sends me a message on MySpace. My sister says something about moving in with Mom and I finally heard it in my heart and not my head. I met a lady from Kentucky at a thing in Florida, and I knew she was someone I could trust.
God keeps showing up right on time–ready or not–just like he did in that manger. God keeps showing up, just like he does when two people with the same problem speak the language of the heart with one another. God keeps showing up, meeting needs and providing opportunities to give and receive.
My Christmas wish for you is that you have enough, that you are enough, and that you share enough. Make it a merry Monday, ya’ll!